The Dumbest Question I’ve Never Been Asked
When you have daughters from China, there are a few things you should expect. The thing is, no one really warns you about them. When they are little tiny girls errrrybody is gonna stare. I mean, of course they are staring because these little chicks are cute beyond compare. There is just something irresistible about those little chubby Chinese faces. 
Errrrrrybody is gonna ask questions. One of those is to ask if they are adopted. Let me stop there. If you don’t know me, you might not pause at that last question. But if you do, you know…I’m Casper the Ghost white. I’m also from Nowhere, Ohio where racial diversity is something you read about in books. When I brought my girls home, we were well into our military career and no longer living in the middle of a cornfield. But still.
After awhile I finally caught on. They weren’t asking their real question. What these folks really wanted to know was…Did you marry an Asian? But no one will ask what they really want to know. Does this strike you as odd? It certainly struck me as odd. But people will do crazy things when they know that their curiosity is inappropriate. They will try to ask around their real question.
My favorite response to this question was not mine. My friend adopted a baby from Ethiopia. The questions were intense for her. Picking up her son from the YMCA Kid Watch she was asked, “Oh, does he look like his daddy?” She retorted, “I don’t know. I never met him!” She didn’t even wait to see their jaws hit the floor. That’s spunk, I tell you! 
So many things are wrong with this unasked question. Granted, I brought my second China girl home over nine years ago now. Maybe no one is asking this question anymore. I sure hope so. But my realistic side tells me the questions are persisting. 
The first thing that is wrong with it is, who cares? So what if I did marry an Asian? I thought I dated one once during college. (Turns out he just had weird genetics that gave him small stature and Asian eyes and was SUPER offended when folks thought he was Asian…which is probably a topic for another blog, but I digress.) But really. It’s 2020. It was 2010 when I fetched that second nugget from China. Are people really still caught up on interracial relationships? Why in the world would strangers be interested in passing judgement on the person I selected to spend my life with? PEOPLE. GET OVER IT.
Secondly, why the hell is it anyone’s business who I married? These people were strangers, obviously, not folks who knew me. Folks who knew me, knew my husband. Why would strangers care who I married? It’s just baffling, don’t you think?
Anyway, for some reason I’ve been pondering this lately. Maybe because my babies are growing and I’m spending time lamenting that fact. My littlest China doll is now 11. My oldest daughter (homegrown) is about to turn 20. I’d give just about anything to rewind ten years, but that’s not happening. Luckily the current pandemic has brought all my little baby birds back to the nest. And I’m soaking it up…and reliving some of it mentally.
So, tell me. What’s the dumbest question you have never been asked…..
By the way, stay tuned….I began writing this blog post to share my incredible recipe for Fried Rice, but it sort of took on a life of its own. Be sure to watch for that one! You won’t want to miss it!

Right now the platform for this blog doesn't allow me to respond to comments. They are working on it. I am reading them all, I promise. I want to address the use of the term "China doll." Yes, I am aware of the unintended meaning of this phrase. When I brought those girls home, I had a choice to make. In my mind, China dolls are precious, rare, and priceless. So many words and phrases get taken over and made into something they were never intended to be. I decided not to play that game. No one in their right mind would mean anything beyond "treasured" when using that phrase to describe their daughters. I know that the comment was left to make sure I wasn't misspeaking, but I promise, I know. And I just refuse to give in to the disgusting twisting of beautiful words.
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  1. Crystal Navarro  04/25/2020 09:00 PM Central
    This is tantamount to all the nosy questions I got when pregnant or when people saw I had "a lot" of kids! Yes, they don't think for a moment "Why does it matter to me?" IT DOESN'T!
  2. I enjoyed your blog Love to all your family
  3. Susan Smithburg  04/26/2020 01:59 AM Central
    I had a white friend with a white husband who adopted one white child,,a black child, and a biracial child. She was stopped by a stranger at the grocery store who asked her, “do all those children have the same father?” She responded, “Yes! Yes, they do!” And walked away.
  4. Congratulations on having such courage to reach out and share your love to children who might have not ever had a family to care for them!! God has blessed you and your husband in countless ways and I am soo happy for you. Walk away from the fools out there, you don’t need to answer them! You just need only to answer to God and I’m thinking HE is well pleased. Your 2 daughters are stunningly beautiful and precious in every way! I’m soo happy for you all!!
    Well done!! ♥️🤗♥️
  5. Huh, I have asked people if they were adopted because they didn't look like their siblings, not because I wondered who the parent was married to. But generally I don't ask strangers, it would be an acquaintance I'm getting to know.
  6. By the way I got plenty of dumb questions with my twins, especially wren they were babies and I took all 4 of the kids 5 and under to the stores with me. Costco for the win with those great big flat bed carts! I finally figured it was just people trying to make connections and saying the first thing that came to mind without really thinking about it. Because those were some dumb questions!
    Although the last who whispered in my ear at the checkout that I was a great mom doing a great job was the best comment I ever got.
  7. Carol Lorraine Osborne  04/26/2020 10:03 PM Central
    Oh, my!

    "You have one of every color!"
  8. beautifully written. People sure do say the dumbest things, I really loved the "never met him response"! I look forward to future blogs.
  9. Very well written. Thanks for sharing. I could write a book about all the stupid questions . My daughters are now 20 and 24 but the questions keep coming. The worst was when my older daughter was 2 or 3. While clothes shopping a woman was starring at my daughter, my husband and I and finally approached us with “How much did she cost ?”. I was filled with anger but my husband come up with the best answer”PRICELESS” and we walked away as fast as we could
  10. Loveed, loved, loved it! May I ask what was that oil you mentioned that you used??
  11. I am not sure if she was trying to make me feel like I had a some kind of physical connection my daughter. But this women told me that she looks like me. I have blue eyes freakles the most Irish face. She don't not look anything like me. It was kind of comical.
  12. One "person" at gymnastics asked me "How much did she cost"...I well... exploded and asked her if she was accusing me of child trafficking...the really astounding thing was that this person worked at the International Adoption Clinic at Children's Hospital...she knew better and stumbled all over herself to recover...just had to walk away.

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